ABOUT THAT SCARY PLACE INSIDE OUR MINDS - 8 TIPS FOR MENTAL HEALTH (#WorldMentalHealthDay) | SMart Choice Lifestyle


PROLOGUE


“I pirouette in the dark
I see the stars through a mirror
Tired mechanical heart
Beats 'til the song disappears

Somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me”

(Lindsey Stirling featuring Lzzy Hale - Shatter Me)




AFTERMATH OF THE RAT-RACE


I oftentimes wake up at seven in the morning already feeling anxious or with my mind racing over my to-do list. It’s like I wake up starting the race, and then I go on through my day running, but the only running really goes on inside my head. And it’s exhausting!

We seem to not have time to just sit anymore. Simply stand still and let our minds relax and just be… just enjoy the moment. We are so wired to technology and to a responsive state, that we lose all of our connection to the outside world. And technology is just a bleep in this whole chaotic picture.

We are wired for connection. For feeling close to other people. Today’s society is disconnecting. Work is disconnecting. Technology is disconnecting. We have less and less time to spend with our own thoughts, in contact with what we feel, and thus we become more and more disconnected from ourselves.

Society is fast-forwarding us to progress and pushing us more and more over the edge.

Underneath a calm expression, there can exist tons and tons of emotional pain. Things that happened, things that hurt us, things that remained unresolved. Too often this anger becomes pointed towards ourselves, the only one responsible for the state we’re in is our own person.

We criticize, judge, and even physically tend to hurt ourselves in order to no longer feel those negative emotions. We no longer know how to deal with them. We become disconnected from the rituals the old society had.

Our brains process it all and sometimes they make mistakes. Given our chaotic lives, the brain strives to adapt, but overuse can lead to trouble.



WE ALL MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT

It’s that feeling that something in our lives is missing. And in the search for it, we can get hurt. And with strained relationships and constant disconnection, there’s no one there to catch us if we fall. That’s what we miss. That’s what we always look for: relationships. Meaningful ones, to be understood, cared for, accepted and loved. Loved with all our faults, quirks and ideas. Loved for who we are and for whom we might become.


OUR MINDS HAVE BECOME A SCARY PLACE

But out there is nothing but shame. People only see the negative side, people are fearful of what they don’t know or don’t understand. They need to be told that mental health is just as important as physical health. If someone has a mental illness, things can get better.

There’s this stigma that sees mental illness as dangerous, but in fact is more self-harming than a threat to others. Outside anger might come from feeling misunderstood one times to many, from feeling alone and scared. Because our minds can become a scary place. An overwhelming, non-stop chatting, scary place.

We feel trapped inside a parallel reality, full of fears, shadows and pain. But the truth and the light are out there. We forget that we are more than our thoughts. The mind only fulfills its duty: thinking. When it overthinks, that’s when we need to press pause. Unplug from the hamster wheel that we call modern life and return to ourselves.

The answer we’re all looking for is not in our thoughts, not in our fears or anger. It’s hidden inside us. In fact, it’s not even hiding. It has been there all along, waiting for us to remember it. Do you know who you once were? Do you still remember the kid inside? It’s all there. Your reasons, motivations, dreams and hopes. Buried under years and years of neglect and stress.


SEARCH FOR THE KID INSIDE 

I see mental health issues as a signal from the kid we all have inside us. And it’s not pure fantasy. We all look for happiness and a life without concerns. We all want to be loved and want to pursue our dreams. We all love and want to be loved. We all feel hurt by people and we regret hurting others. That’s the kid talking to you.

Everytime you fight these issues, your youngest self is searching for giving and receiving love. Is looking for something to help it rediscover the world as it once saw it. That world is still there. We build modern society upon it.


STRENGTH THROUGH FAITH

The way I always find my way back is through letting go of the apparent control I we all think we have over what’s happening to and around us. I let go and accept the situation I find myself in. Then, I begin to search for lessons and solutions that are going to help me go through my emotional or physical pain better. For me, the guide that is always with me is Jesus Christ. More about my journey and lessons learned, HERE.

When I accept that I can’t control my situation, I take it as is, go through it and have patience to be transformed. Every experience that we have changes us in one way or another. I choose to take the lesson and be grateful that I have the opportunity to learn and grow. Even through suffering, pain and fear.  


LETTING GO OF EGO & BECOME HUMBLE

I used to despise being hurt, be it physically or emotionally. I hated feeling not enough and rejected by others. But then I realised that those things were the truth I had chosen to see. I was trapped into poisoning my own mind with helpless thoughts: “Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why don’t bad people develop multiple sclerosis?” and a whole bunch more.

It might be hard to digest, understand or accept, but suffering happens with a reason: to make us humble again. To clean our hearts and minds of all the negativity we have stored in them throughout. We are bombarded with being competitive, always on the run, always striving to become the best at our craft, always working… and never really being present.


BE PRESENT AND PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE

Life is fleeting. A moment is just a bleep on our screens. Life is much more than a rat race. Life is about living vulnerably, about accepting your challenges and understanding that you are not alone in this.

All over the world, there are people who have struggles that you know nothing about. Worse struggles, easier ones, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that counts is feeling grateful for what you have now, because somebody else might not even have that chance. Who am I to complain and rebel against life?

Anger never built anything. Negativity only destroys. Keep those inside your heart and they will certainly destroy you.

You suffer to become aware of your own self. Look at what you have, look at how you can do to help others. Accept yourself just the way you are and work to better the things that you feel could be better.

The choice is always yours to make. The outcome is not in your hands. Let go. God always knows what He’s doing.

8 STEPS THAT HELPED ME IMPROVE MY MENTAL HEALTH

#WorldMentalHealthDay 2016 (yes, it was yesterday)


  1. Journal - one of the best ways to switch off that overthinking mind is to create space inside it. Write down all your concerns, fear, angsts and emotions. Once on paper, they will look more real and measurable. You can then analyze them and see that they’re not real. Look around you, life is beautiful even if it’s not perfect.
  2. Help others - take time to be there for others that need you. Find a cause to help on, teach people how to deal with things you’ve already been through, help with the dishes, with a kind word, be there for someone and just listen to them, comfort them and make them understand that you’re there to comfort them.
  3. Reach out to people and talk about your problems - remember the journaling at no. 1? It can be used to better understand your own thoughts and become able to tell them to others. Talk to people you trust and love, a psychologist, a priest, whatever choice you have. The thing is, talking about what you’re going through leads to being understood and finding a solution to your inner struggle.
  4. Reconnect to yourself - let go of always being in charge. Take time to enjoy the things you’ve already achieved, sit and have a chat with your own self. Sit still and simply begin to enjoy your presence, without anything attached to it. Listen to your favorite music, read the Bible, become aware of how it feels to live inside your body. Yet again journaling is helpful. Write these feelings and thoughts down. Let them go on paper.
  5. Sleep more - the relative amount of sleep needed by an adult is between 8-9 hours / night. Make the choice of going to bed in time to be able to sleep that much before you wake up. During sleep, the brain cleans out toxins created throughout the day, while thinking, feeling and taking care of all the operations that your body did.
  6. Eat better - good nutrients feed the body and help rise the levels of energy. Foods like vegetables, fruit, pickled vegetables, rice, fish and lean meats, nuts and seeds are proven to make the body stronger and healthier if consumed regularly, as part of a lifestyle choice.
  7. Move your body - we have mobile joints, because we were made to move, not sit on the couch all day long. It can be comfortable, especially when holding a heavy tablet or while keeping one’s eyes on Facebook and Instagram all day. But the body needs to move its muscles. Exercise gets rid of pain, stiffness, makes you more alert and even more happy, through the release of endorphins, hormones that make you feel good.
  8. Be grateful for what you have and let go of control - look at what you do have, realistically. All hardship and trauma can be overcomed. All past negative things are now gone and you are still standing. You did good! Keep on being strong and learn from your experiences. Feel the gratitude; why are certain things important to you? Remember that things don’t always go the way we plan them and that’s OK. The things that we can act upon is our choices. Choose life, choose to become wiser.

Every human is important and worthy. The main thing is that you are not alone. Most people feel the same way, but few speak up. We all have the need to heal our mental health, because the world we live in needs healing. One human at a time.

Accept to be shattered. Life needs a little chaos before it smoothes out things again. It’s the only way we grow. We have both positive and negative emotions. They’re part of us.


Liked this post? Let me know if you’d want me to write a more extensive piece on this topic, or on smaller topics from it. Would love to hear your opinion on this! Leave your comments down below.

Sincerely,
Denisa



Let's Talk About Sex. A Brief Overview on MS and Sexuality (Part 1) | SMart Choice Lifestyle

WARNING! Neuro and anatomy geek down below! This is where I get nerdy about how the brain and body work together. Continue at your own risk! :))

We all do it. We all enjoy it (hopefully!). We talk about these issues with our partners and friends. But there comes Multiple Sclerosis and it all goes silent. I personally find this silence very intriguing. Is it the shame of having MS itself or the shame of not being able to enjoy it / do it as much because of MS? I am aware that some people might naturally not feel comfortable talking about this, but that's not the topic we're after today.

Either way, I think sexuality when dealing with MS is an issue that needs some light shed upon it. And this is what I'm going to do in this article today. Just to make things clear from the very beginning: not everyone with MS will experience sex problems!

I think it's useful to learn as much as you can about how MS symptoms affect your day to day life, just so that by "knowing your enemy" and your body, you'll have better coping techniques if anything goes wrong. Hoping for the better and without further adue, let's start!

Don't get your expectations too high, boys and girls! You're not gonna read about steamy techniques or how to perform better. It's ANATOMY time!

If you're still reading, it means I got my point across already. So, let's get into some details and more specific things. When I first heard that sexual disfunction could be one of the symptoms of MS, I began asking myself questions. Why does it happen and most of all... how? Enter research-mode! Here is what I found out...


ANATOMY, SEX & MS - AN INTRODUCTION

We know that in MS, the disease affects different nerves in the body. Some of them control our sexual function (arousal, climaxing, etc). When inflammation and damage happens to those particular brain pathways, some signals might get disturbed and interfere with the function itself. Not to mention that there can be other symptoms that can prove to be disturbing and not allowing you to even think about sex in the first place, let alone worry about not feeling aroused properly!

Our brains are the the biggest sex organs in our bodies. They are responsible for all things ranging from our emotions, perceptions of pain and pleasure, memories. In charge with the way our hearts, nerves and sensations perform. Most of all, the brain (the hypothalamus region) is involved in secreting the hormones that influence sexual feelings and responses (oxytocin, vasopressin, serotonin, dopamine). 

The brain receives and processes messages from our sensory organs, giving you information about how other things and people (including yourself) look, sound, taste, smell, feel to you. It also sends and receives signals regarding your blood pressure, heart rate, breath and body temperature. These are all big parts of sexual function, experience and response.

Sex is a type of communication between two humans, at a very intimate level. It's also a communication between the brain and the rest of your body. Sexuality happens mostly inside our brains, as all its parts are regulated there: physical, sensory, chemical, emotional, psychological, intellectual, social, cultural issues are all born between the synapses of the brain.

It's important to know how the brain does all its "magic" that makes us who we are. For today, I'll talk about the parts of the brains' inner system. Your nervous system is made out of a few parts:

1.  Central Nervous System (CNS) (the brain, spinal cord and optic nerves)
2. Peripheral Nervous System (the nerves that mediate the communication with the world)
a) Somatic Nervous System (the nerves that carry the sensory information to the brain)
b) Autonomic (or Vegetative) Nervous System (which regulates the action/rest responses of all body parts) which is also made out of two smaller parts:
    - Sympathetic Nervous System - handling the action, excitement and keeping you alert;
   - Parasympathetic Nervous System- handling the rest, calming and relaxation functions of the body.

For the sexual act to happen normally, the parasympathetic (relaxation part) needs to dominate the sympathetic (arousal part). If the first loses control, you're faced with premature ejaculation. So, here are a few substances you need to stay away from if you're faced with similar issues: alcohol, smoking, coffee, tea, cola drinks. They all accelerate the sympathetic system (they increase your sense of feeling "nervous", "agitated")

Although our bodies are made with the same pattern, our sensitivity is different. Some areas of the body have more sensory nerve receptors that send the messages to and from the brain. Individual sensitivity is different. 

Past experiences as well as spinal cord integrity are important for how sensitive we are / become to both pain and pleasure. We all have erogenous zones, areas of the body with high sensitivity which we find more sexually stimulating than others. 

Sexual arousal / response and orgasm depend on healthy spinal cord connections and undamaged nerve pathways between the brain and the base of the spine. To understand it properly, we need to divide it into sections:

1. CERVICAL - the area starting from below the skull up until above the ribs;
2. THORACIC - the area of your chest (ribs) up until above the belly;
3. LUMBAR - the area starting below the ribs and up above your lower back;
4. SACRAL - the area below your lower back up until the tailbone;

Out of all the nerves in our bodies, about 20% or them are sexual. We are interested only in the last three areas, as they are the ones responsible for conducting and controlling the sexual function throughout the body. Here we go!

THORACIC - have 3 pairs of sympathetic nerves that innervate the breasts (nipples): 3 nerves on the right and 3 on the left side of the body (the 4th, 5th and 6th thoracic nerves) - they cause the nipples to become erect. Being of the sympathetic type, they transmit signals to the brain whenever the breasts are touched and caressed. At the same time, the body sends signals through the spinal cord to the brain, causing the erection.

LUMBAR - 3 pairs of sympathetic nerves (the 1st, 2nd and 3rd lumbar nerves) - they innervate the penis and the vagina and are activated two times during the sexual act: at the beginning and during the last part, during orgasm/ejaculation.

SACRAL - 3 pairs of parasympathetic nerves (2nd, 3rd and 4th sacral nerves) - they are responsible for prolonging the erection during foreplay and intercourse.

(Side note: I've used the term erection twice now, and I'm refering to both male and female arousal. We'll get more detailed in the second part, where I add more about each genders' sexual system.)


WHAT IS THE PUDENDAL NERVE & WHY IS IT RELEVANT TO OUR TOPIC?

The Pudendal Nerve is located right in the sacral region of the body, at the bottom of the spinal cord and is the main nerve of the perineum. It is the one that innervates the anus, perineum, penis, clitoris and areas around the scrotum.

(female)

(male)

Its function is to manage the sensations of defecation / urination as well as those of sexual arousal. It does not carry parasympathetic fibers, as it only deals with engaging the organs and muscles in the perineum. 

Its two most important branches are:
- the Perineal Nerve (innervating the perineum area)
- the Dorsal Nerve (innervating the penis and clitoris)

Orgasms and perineal feelings during orgasms (spasms with ejaculation or orgasms) are possible due to both the pudendal and pelvic nerves


MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS & NERVE DAMAGE

So, as you can imagine, any damage happening along any of these detailed pathways can cause issues with sexuality in an individual living with Multiple Sclerosis.

This is one very important aspect for all ages, but it's almost crucial for young people, as it's part of the way they perceive themselves, but most importantly, it is the function that will insure a full relationship with a partner and the ability of creating a family.


FEW TIPS ON HOW TO MANAGE SEXUAL PROBLEMS (IF THEY HAPPEN)

1. COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER
It's important to understand how MS is affecting both of you. Blame or accusation and criticizing need to be avoided, as they will always have a negative impact, on the situation and both of you. Talk about your wants, fears and frustrations. Ask questions and be ready to answer theirs.

2. WRITE DOWN YOUR FEELINGS
For some of you, saying things out loud might not be comfortable, so the best alternative is to write what you're experiencing and what are the feelings associated with those issues. You can then either ask your partner to read what you wrote, or have a better ability to talk about the situation yourself.

3. KNOW YOURSELF AND WHAT GETS YOU AROUSED
Explore, remember, try new things. Sexuality is not a fixed thing, it doesn't have to happen by a fixed scenario. Be open minded and work with your partner to find the best way to making your sexual relationship more pleasurable. We are all different and it's a private issue, so you know best what fits you. Make choices accordingly.

4. FEEL DESIRABLE
Look after yourself and take care of your body. A good diet, regular exercise, enjoying relaxing activities and spending some time on your personal appearance can make wonders. Both to your self-confidence and to how your partner sees you.

5. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Last but not least, learn about how MS works inside your body (and mind). Find out more about how it can affect relationships and sexual function. It will make it easier to understand what you're going through while getting better at explaining it to your partner.

Given this context, this is the first part of many, discussing this topic. So, I invite  you to comment down below, ask questions, write your opinions, and let's make this series an opportunity for mutual learning and discovery. Have you had any issues with this? Do you have anything to add?

The more we learn, the better the outcome. One cannot fight that what is invisible. Let's inform each other! It's the best way to be able to make the smart choices that best suit our lifestyles.

Liked this post? Subscribe HERE, to be sure we stay connected. Let me know if you’d want me to write a more extensive piece on this topic, or on smaller topics from it. Would love to hear your opinion on this! Leave your comments down below.

Sincerely,
Denisa

How to Continue Living with Ease after Trauma | SMart Choice Lifestyle

There's this moment right after the diagnosis, when you are in need of answers. You want to know what's happening and most of all, you want to know how to make things better. 

WHERE TO START?

"Is there a possibility to continue living even after receiving a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis? Can I resume my goals and dreams and live the life I want, even faced with the unpredictability of relapses and possible disability? Is there anyone out there who has been through this and can give me some advice?"

These were most of the questions that went through my mind as I was beginning my research on all things Multiple Sclerosis. As a newly diagnosed 28 year old in the summer of 2014, I was angry. Upset at life for throwing this at my face, when I hadn't even began to live the way I wanted. I felt alone, as nobody was able to tell me more than some small details about how to handle this. Nothing about prevention methods, how to deal with all the emotional baggage. I felt really alone.

One thing I knew for sure: I was willing to fight this and get my life back the way I wanted. Life was going to be on my terms, and nothing was going to stop me. I am going to help at least one person not feel as alone as I did when first faced with Multiple Sclerosis.

LIFE HAPPENS

Then anxiety and rage came laughing at my face. They made me more irascible and snappy. But I still held on to dear life. "I am the boss here, I have the rules,  I know best. I, I , I... !! " This was just the fear of losing all that I knew I was. Fear of losing myself in the process. And as all people in distress do, I began looking for support outside of myself. I looked for something to soothe my inner soul, the one that was shaking like a leaf in the face of uncertainty. 

WALKING THROUGH THICK FOG

Who was I losing? Who was I really? How can I cope with all of this? What's the worse that can happen? I immersed myself in studying all that I could, ranging from brain anatomy, healthy living, psychology, introspection, journaling,  blood test markers, treatments and exercise

Yeah! Exercise seemed very interesting, as MS is known to go after one's mobility. But I wasn't allowed to get my body to heated. What could I do in order to move but not force too much? YOGA! Such a good idea!

And Yoga was a great idea for more than a year. As I learned the poses, breathing and routines, I also began to discover how my body worked. Little by little, I found out how my mind worked. It all went together. At the same time, my spirit was turning even more so to God. 

For a long time, I had an eclectic spiritual philosophy going on, one made out of Christian belief, universal energy and accepting the flow of things and connecting to the higher power through prayer and letting go of my Ego (the "I, I, I, I!!" part of my mind that kept being afraid and angry).

ACHIEVING CLARITY

As I got closer and closer to God, I decided to read the whole Bible for the first time in my life. And from January this year, there was no turning back. I slowly let go of Yoga, as my focus shifted. I have always been a faithful person. Being raised in a Christian Orthodox family that was very open to religion, that encouraged learning about Jesus and the stories of the Bible, I grew in perfect acceptance of a higher power and in fascination with the story of Jesus of Nazareth. 

Little did I know back then that this seed was going to prove to be my salvation. The thing that will help me out of the crash and burn of my Ego and internal fears and demons. To keep it short for this article: LOVE is the ongoing message of Christianity, the silver lining that goes through all of us and is at the bottom of all joy and inner peace. When you understand this, it all becomes crystal clear: the so called fear of God is in fact the love we have for Him. All love implies respect and obedience. We strive to please the ones we love. It's that simple!

This is my perspective on things, as I was born and raised a Christian. But whatever your belief, this still applies: LOVE is transcending all creation, it's the unifying energy.

CLARITY PUT TO WORK

But first, I had to become humble. To understand that if I had been given this burden was because I needed to learn a lesson: to love myself more, to love and give others more, to do what I love, to be more compassionate and kind to others

There really is power in suffering and what it brings out. God doesn't play around. He gave me a harsh wake up call, a personal trauma to wake me up to the purpose we all need to have: love one another! Get my head out of my own... and start living in harmony with the people around me and with my own self. Multiple Sclerosis was the most personal lesson I had to learn. I had other lessons but failed to go deeper and become aware of their teachings. I wrote more about them and why following your heart is crucial, HERE.

Nowadays, I live my life with the knowledge that my life has a purpose. I know that all fear fades away in the face of God. I know that the only one that truly understands and accepts me is Jesus, and the kind of relationship we have with Him will mirror the way we treat ourselves and the people around us. 

I know that when I surrender my Ego and accept my faults, when I am humbled by my mistakes, I grow, I become the best version of me possible. It's my personal choice. I continue reading the Bible every morning. It's part of my routine, along with breakfast and my daily Copaxone injection.

HOW CAN ALL THIS HELP YOU?

Simple! Here are three things you could do starting today, that will bring you closer to living with ease after going through a traumatic experience. Little by little, the pain will subside and you will continue living.

1. Allow yourself to go through the emotional pain
We are made to feel both happy and negative emotions. When we're happy, we accept that wholeheartedly. The same needs to happen with suffering. We need to feel that pain in order to get passed it. Otherwise, it gets repressed, we numb or ignore it and then the damage is longer and harder. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, afraid and all that. 

2. Daily journaling 
A practice that will benefit you in many ways than one. You could say that when you suffer, you don't feel like writing, you don't have the energy. A journal is the most important tool you'll ever have.

It allows you to brain-dump all your suffering without complaining that you whine to much or you should stop. It only asks the questions you write. It allows you to objectify your thoughts and feelings. As you write them down, you become aware of them and the rational part of your brain kicks in and analyzes them. Maybe not at that moment, but on the long run, you'll see. It's the perfect tool for self-awareness and getting in touch with who you are deep inside.

3. Give more of yourself to others
Make helping others your goal. Look for opportunities to help your family and friends with whatever they might need. If you're going through something traumatic, they're probably affected to. Helping them would be just simply sit down and hear them out, listen to what they have to say. Let them pour their heart out. Be their journal! 

Move outside your close circle: look for causes that you can join, or start your own. That's how SMart Choice Lifestyle began: I wanted to help others make the best decisions for their life, even if they were going through hard times. And that's still my goal. It's the reason you're reading this article.


Liked this post? Subscribe HERE, to be sure we stay connected. Let me know if you’d want me to write a more extensive piece on this topic, or on smaller topics from it. Would love to hear your opinion on this! Leave your comments down below.

P.S. Listening to Chopin proves to be amazing for my focus when writing :)) What's your concentration trick (if you have one)?

Sincerely,
Denisa






5 STEP PROCESS TO ACHIEVE CLARITY FOR YOUR CAREER & PERSONAL GOALS | SMart Choice Lifestyle

I've always had an eclectic way of seeing things. I draw my inspiration from an incredible array of sources, time periods and industries. It's like I'm building a never ending vision board for my life and career. 

AWARENESS FIRST

Thankfully I had a constant throughout: thinking in pictures. I draw out the way all my ideas are going to look, act and what purpose are they going to serve and need are they going to take care of. The natural outcome was that I ended up pursuing a creative career, dealing with images and stories. Hence, I decided that I am a visual storyteller. 

Becoming aware of your talents and the skills that can help you move forward is essential if you want to grow a career out of just a passion. "Passion" is such an emotion-filled word. "What you're naturally good at and enjoy doing" sounds better. But for the sake of word economy, let's continue naming it "passion".

Being multi-passionate and loving to do many things can become confusing if you don't spend time working out the bits and pieces that will help you understand what career should you really follow. Most of us finish school and immediately get a job. "That's the safe thing to do!" common sense tells us. Sounds fair, and for many of us, it ends up being their road in life. And that's completely fine and normal. It's their choice and if it makes them happy, go for it!

MY DREAMS AND MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS

I was the other kind. The one that had the regular 9-5 job, but had her mind on creative projects almost all of the time. Given the situation, I kept the things I loved to do as hobbies and tried my best to integrate them into my daily work tasks. Every time I got the chance to do one of them, I felt happy. That feeling went away when I got back to whatever I was working on.

For a long while, I thought it to be normal. We all have jobs that get us tired and hobbies that help us refresh and get us back on track. And so a few years passed and while I was working, I always thought of starting my own thing on the side. The dream of building my own business doing what I loved never left me. 

The decisive moment that completely shifted my actions was the 25th of July 2014, the day the neurologist told me that I had Multiple Sclerosis. In less than 24 hours, all my thoughts pointed to living my life the way I always wanted and making my dreams a reality. Even more so, wanting to continue working equaled pursuing my passion. My time was limited. Nobody knew by how much or less. The illness is unpredictable, so I have to hurry! 

There was no turning back after that. After just a week back at the office, I listened to my gut and left. It no longer provided me with anything rather than monthly pay. I chose my health over money. And so I started my sabbatical. Taking time to clear my head after the diagnosis, learn as much as I could about the disease, find ways in which to keep it inactive and most of all follow my dream career.

Do you know that feeling of liking so many things that you can't really decide which one to really pursue? Or, if you had narrowed in down to two or three areas, it's still difficult to start because for each one there are SO many things that you can say or do? Welcome to my world!

The funny thing is that I already know what I want to do (and I kindda knew it for more than 7 years now), but there's always something left to do, improve or wait to be the right moment for. Up until a few months ago, I thought it to be fear of failure. But no. Failure doesn't scare me for quite a while now. I mean, what's the worse it can happen? I already have an incurable disease! (*smiling ironically here*)

The fear of not being good enough isn't it either, as I managed to get passed peer pressure too. The thing is I find it difficult to decide. And that's so funny, because the blog is named SMart Choice, so technically, I should have mastered the decision making process by now. But not in the things I hold dear to my heart.

And so my one year sabbatical became two years, and the more I learned and the more ideas I had, the worse I became at deciding to start. I had it all planned on paper, all organized, but no action. Constant learning. An eternal student. I like learning, but I also like to be productive. 

The biggest lesson that I've learned these past two years is that you can't work on your dreams if you don't know the dreamer. Meaning that you first have to come back to knowing who you are and then see what you can do for work. 

HOW TO ACHIEVE CLARITY FOR YOUR GOALS - 5 STEP PROCESS

That's why I came up with this 5 step process that you can also take to get in touch with your true self, or at least with your inner motivations and ideas that make you uniquely you, helping with your career goals.

So, without further adue, here are the steps that get you closer to yourself. You'll need a piece of paper and a few minutes to write things down.

1. DEFINE THE CONTEXT
Find a picture of yourself as a kid. Look at it and try to remember who you were back then. Asses your current lifestyle choices, the things you're naturally good at, the skills you've learned throughout the years and see where you stand. What's the thing (or things) that have remained a constant? Note them down and move on to the second step...

2. WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR AND WHAT DO YOU WANT YOUR LEGACY TO BE?
Note down your core values (limit yourself to just 5, the most important ones). After a life spent working, what would you like to be remembered for? What are the most important things that you leave behind as a professional?

3. ALIGN GOALS TO PERSONALITY AND VALUES?
Make a list of goals that you want to achieve during this lifetime. Be specific in naming them. No matter how big or unimportant they seem, they are part of your vision, so note them down. Given the values and legacy that you've decided upon already, how do you plan to achieve those goals? Define a short strategy. What choices will you need to make in order to achieve those goals?

4. DAILY ACTION PLANNING
Achieving mastery or anything in life means discipline and work. All the people that got somewhere with their lives and careers have to (and most still are) work hard to get their goal. You'll need a plan. Make it simple, actionable and daily. Think of the bigger picture and then narrow it down to what are the daily tasks that you need to do in order to get where you want to. Start with the first goal on your list and go from there. Then act upon that plan, but...

5. FOLLOW-UP AND REVIEW
To know how far you've came, you need to do regular reviews and measurements. Nothing fancy, just, for example, see how much of Project X is done and what's left to do. You need to know what you need to do, in order to plan your day and efficiently dose your energy, especially when living with Multiple Sclerosis.


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Sincerely,
Denisa